Yesterday l was driving near the Utah /Arizona border towards Lake Powell. As I crossed back over Utah's state line I read their welcome sign and their motto is "Life Elevated". I imagine this refers to the high elevation and the peaks and buttes. For me, it took on a different meaning. The thing that came to mind was elevated thinking. This week while surrounded by such beauty I have been very reflective on my life and purpose. Last Saturday I moderated a session at OMG called "Are you there God? It's me cancer". While I think the session could have gone better we talked about a greater purpose in life.
Over the past few years I have questioned my purpose and lessons learned from my journey with cancer. Life was not perfect before cancer and while some good things have come from my cancer experience, on a whole it sucked. It makes me angry that all the attendees at OMG are effected by cancer in some way. One of the comforting thoughts is that maybe some of the 550 people in that theater last weekend were touched, inspired and maybe instilled with a little bit of hope. I pray that those that arrived in Vegas for the Summit feeling alone left with a sense of kinship with their fellow attendees and formed new friendships to rely on throughout the rest of their journey with this horrible disease.
There have been times since I got cancer that I felt alone, felt that no one else could possibly have gone through the same shit. I no longer feel that way. What is amazing to me is while I have been on this solo trek this past week I have not felt alone or even lonely. So many people have been following my Facebook updates, my tweets and blog posts that I know that many are traveling with me, if only in spirit. Everyday I have heard from friends, old and new that have wanted to know how it is going and to give me their support.
Each day last weekend I wore an Allipalooza sticker and handed them out to fellow attendees. I shamelessly talked about my upcoming trip and by the end of the weekend people where asking me for stickers. I have pictures with people proudly displaying my logo on their shirts, bags and other possible surfaces. I don't think it was the design or tag line on the stickers that made people want one, but the meaning behind Allipalooza. I think everyone should have their own "palooza". A time of of celebration, challenge and discovery. As I write this post Allipalooza - Southwest is not over, but it has certainly given be a sense of "Life Elevated".
Ok, that is enough contemplation for the day. It is time to explore the Grand Canyon.
Sunday, April 8, 2012
Friday, April 6, 2012
Deep thoughts today.
One thing I've learned this week is when you are traveling solo you tend to be more contemplative. There is no one around to distract you and you might think about things you try not to. I've been thinking a lot about my dad. Fourteen years ago my parents came to visit me when I was living in California. After our visit they drove from Central California to Las Vegas and onto Bryce, Zion and the Grand Canyon. It is hard to know that dad visited the same places I am now without being able to talk to him about it. In fact knowing that I will never be able to talk to him again is devastating.
It has been just over 4 months since the day that changed the life of everyone in my family. I will never forget the events on Thanksgiving Day but more importantly I will never forget the conversations I have had with my dad and the times I had with him the past two years. I close this post with a special note to my dad.
Dear dad, I think about you everyday and miss you greatly. I will think about you on Sunday as I walk around the Grand Canyon and I dedicate this trip to you. Love you always.
It has been just over 4 months since the day that changed the life of everyone in my family. I will never forget the events on Thanksgiving Day but more importantly I will never forget the conversations I have had with my dad and the times I had with him the past two years. I close this post with a special note to my dad.
Dear dad, I think about you everyday and miss you greatly. I will think about you on Sunday as I walk around the Grand Canyon and I dedicate this trip to you. Love you always.
Thursday, April 5, 2012
A lodge, some lamb and a mule
Since the forecast last night was below 30 degrees and the campground has no power hookups I wimped out and stayed at Bryce Canyon Lodge and treated myself to a nice dinner. The rack of lamb was a far cry from the canned meat I have been eating since Monday.
This morning I took a mule ride down into Bryce Canyon. I thought Bryce was beautiful from above but it is spectacular close up. The hoodoos are amazing. Although my bum hurts and I may never walk the same. My mule Tony was a bit adventurous and liked to walk near the edge of the trail. Considering the cliffs the trail was alongside I was not too fond of this and had to shut my eyes a few times.
I realized last night that for the first time in almost 5 years I don't feel like I have cancer. I still have fatigue and take a nap most days, but that is ok.
This trip and Allipalooza is not about having cancer or even the long term side effects. It is about moving on, testing myself, making dreams come true and figuring out what I want with the rest of my life.
I have second guessed myself a few times on this trip and have made a few stupid decisions like leaving my jacket in the van because it seemed warm but not taking account the wind and elevation change. But that is what life is all about. Making mistakes, learning from them and hopefully not doing them again. Luckily none of my mistakes were bad ones.
Ok, a nap is calling and then I am going to head towards Kanab Utah and hopefully find someplace to camp with a power hookup. Until later.
Peace, live and hope!
Alli
This morning I took a mule ride down into Bryce Canyon. I thought Bryce was beautiful from above but it is spectacular close up. The hoodoos are amazing. Although my bum hurts and I may never walk the same. My mule Tony was a bit adventurous and liked to walk near the edge of the trail. Considering the cliffs the trail was alongside I was not too fond of this and had to shut my eyes a few times.
I realized last night that for the first time in almost 5 years I don't feel like I have cancer. I still have fatigue and take a nap most days, but that is ok.
This trip and Allipalooza is not about having cancer or even the long term side effects. It is about moving on, testing myself, making dreams come true and figuring out what I want with the rest of my life.
I have second guessed myself a few times on this trip and have made a few stupid decisions like leaving my jacket in the van because it seemed warm but not taking account the wind and elevation change. But that is what life is all about. Making mistakes, learning from them and hopefully not doing them again. Luckily none of my mistakes were bad ones.
Ok, a nap is calling and then I am going to head towards Kanab Utah and hopefully find someplace to camp with a power hookup. Until later.
Peace, live and hope!
Alli
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
Another day in the Allipalooza Diaries
Bryce Canyon.
I am sitting at Sunset point while I write this. I can't think of a better inspiration for a post than this spot. It is breathtakingly beautiful here and that is not the altitude talking. (or at least only a little)
I woke up early and broke camp. I was happy I was in the van last night instead of a tent. It got a bit windy. Driving through Zion was awesome. Especially in the morning light. I was not prepared for the switchbacks or the tunnel that was built in the 1930's. Good workmanship without the tools we have today.
I arrived in Bryce Canyon National Park a little after 9am. It was pretty chilly and I was surprised at the snow on the ground. I took a quick nap and then decided to drive around. At first I was disappointed after the bold views of Zion. All I could see from the road was trees. After watching a video at the visitor center I realized that unlike Zion where the views are there at every look, in Bryce you have to go searching for them.
As I drove around the park I started getting a look at the views from pull offs along the road. I decided to go all the way to the last lookout and promised myself to stop at every turn off on the way back. My patience was well rewarded. Walking the short trails to places like Paria, Bryce and Inspiration Points I was able to see the real beauty of Bryce Canyon. Looking across the canyon in what is called The Amphitheater I was able to gaze upon the red sandstone walls, the incredible Hoodoos and the beauty of the natural carved stone. I took a ton a pictures during my 3 hour drive and walks around the park. Only a few are on my phone so you will have to wait until I get home to see the rest.
During the last few days while on this solo trek I have learned a lot about myself and have come to many realizations about my journey the last few years and the events that have brought me to this point. I will try to write about some of these tonight. One thing I have learned is it is hard to not contemplate life when you are surrounded by naturals miracles.
Enough for now. Many thanks to all of those new friends I met this weekend at OMG that are following my travels and providing support. I could not do this without you cheering me on.
Peace, love, hope!
Alli
I am sitting at Sunset point while I write this. I can't think of a better inspiration for a post than this spot. It is breathtakingly beautiful here and that is not the altitude talking. (or at least only a little)
I woke up early and broke camp. I was happy I was in the van last night instead of a tent. It got a bit windy. Driving through Zion was awesome. Especially in the morning light. I was not prepared for the switchbacks or the tunnel that was built in the 1930's. Good workmanship without the tools we have today.
I arrived in Bryce Canyon National Park a little after 9am. It was pretty chilly and I was surprised at the snow on the ground. I took a quick nap and then decided to drive around. At first I was disappointed after the bold views of Zion. All I could see from the road was trees. After watching a video at the visitor center I realized that unlike Zion where the views are there at every look, in Bryce you have to go searching for them.
As I drove around the park I started getting a look at the views from pull offs along the road. I decided to go all the way to the last lookout and promised myself to stop at every turn off on the way back. My patience was well rewarded. Walking the short trails to places like Paria, Bryce and Inspiration Points I was able to see the real beauty of Bryce Canyon. Looking across the canyon in what is called The Amphitheater I was able to gaze upon the red sandstone walls, the incredible Hoodoos and the beauty of the natural carved stone. I took a ton a pictures during my 3 hour drive and walks around the park. Only a few are on my phone so you will have to wait until I get home to see the rest.
During the last few days while on this solo trek I have learned a lot about myself and have come to many realizations about my journey the last few years and the events that have brought me to this point. I will try to write about some of these tonight. One thing I have learned is it is hard to not contemplate life when you are surrounded by naturals miracles.
Enough for now. Many thanks to all of those new friends I met this weekend at OMG that are following my travels and providing support. I could not do this without you cheering me on.
Peace, love, hope!
Alli
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
Zion National Park
Yesterday I left the hubbub of Las Vegas for the quiet pace of Zion National Park. It was a much longer drive than expected due to construction leading to a traffic jam. It took 90 minutes to get out of Vegas but I had music and I was officially on vacation so in the big picture not a big deal.
I arrived at Zion after 6pm. Thankfully I was able to reserve a campsite for last night. Once at the campsite I discovered I had an electric hookup which was helpful to have the portable heater running last night. It was in the low thirties last night Once settled I wrote in my journal and watched the sunset over The Watchman.
I'm not sure I have the words to describe the beauty. It got cold quickly after sunset and I called it an early night.
This morning I watched the sunrise, packed up and drove to the other campground which was first come first served. My original plan was to only spend one night in Zion and move on to Bryce for one night and then spend two nights in Capitol Reef. I realized that it was a tight schedule and I would rather explore Zion and Bryce and will skip Capitol Reef this time so but I did not have a reserved campsite for tonight. Today is beautiful, sunny and warm. I am hoping it will not be as cold as last night since I do not have any power.
Once I got my bearings I took the shuttle through the park and walked the riverside trail. I wanted a short warmup trail for today and it was about a 2 mile walk. Walking along the river gave me a sense of peace even with all the people around
It is a bit daunting camping and hiking by yourself. I realized in the past I always let others decide the hiking routes and pretty much let them lead the way. It is kind of nice making all the decisions. I like being the leader in my life these days.
As I sit here in the canyon I realize that this is the ultimate vacation. Hard to believe that Allipalooza is actually happening. A nap is on tap for the afternoon and then a trip into the little town of Springdale for some exploring and maybe some grub. Onto Bryce Canyon National Park tomorrow. I will be turning off the phone to conserve power and to bask in the beauty of the park. Til tomorrow night
Peace, love, and hope.
All
I arrived at Zion after 6pm. Thankfully I was able to reserve a campsite for last night. Once at the campsite I discovered I had an electric hookup which was helpful to have the portable heater running last night. It was in the low thirties last night Once settled I wrote in my journal and watched the sunset over The Watchman.
I'm not sure I have the words to describe the beauty. It got cold quickly after sunset and I called it an early night.
This morning I watched the sunrise, packed up and drove to the other campground which was first come first served. My original plan was to only spend one night in Zion and move on to Bryce for one night and then spend two nights in Capitol Reef. I realized that it was a tight schedule and I would rather explore Zion and Bryce and will skip Capitol Reef this time so but I did not have a reserved campsite for tonight. Today is beautiful, sunny and warm. I am hoping it will not be as cold as last night since I do not have any power.
Once I got my bearings I took the shuttle through the park and walked the riverside trail. I wanted a short warmup trail for today and it was about a 2 mile walk. Walking along the river gave me a sense of peace even with all the people around
It is a bit daunting camping and hiking by yourself. I realized in the past I always let others decide the hiking routes and pretty much let them lead the way. It is kind of nice making all the decisions. I like being the leader in my life these days.
As I sit here in the canyon I realize that this is the ultimate vacation. Hard to believe that Allipalooza is actually happening. A nap is on tap for the afternoon and then a trip into the little town of Springdale for some exploring and maybe some grub. Onto Bryce Canyon National Park tomorrow. I will be turning off the phone to conserve power and to bask in the beauty of the park. Til tomorrow night
Peace, love, and hope.
All
Technology Withdrawal
I didn't get a smart phone until October when the new iPhone came out. I had a texting phone before, but did not have a data plan. It is hard to believe I have become so dependent to being online all the time. It was weird turning my phone off today and not checking emails when I stopped to get ice cream or was waiting for the shuttle bus. I think that may need to be a goal while on this trip is to not depend on it so much. The ironic thing is I am using my phone to write this post. Except for a few quick hellos, a short conversation with the park ranger at the visitor's desk and asking the shuttle bus driver for directions to the Post Office, my only real communication has been through my blog and Facebook. It will take some time to get used to the silent days and only myself to have a conversation with. Yes, I've started talking to myself.
I'm going to hit the sack and make it an early night. I want to get up early and drive to Bryce to try and get a campsite in the park.
Peace, love and hope
Alli
P.S. Bought the best t-shirt today. Will post a picture tomorrow.
I'm going to hit the sack and make it an early night. I want to get up early and drive to Bryce to try and get a campsite in the park.
Peace, love and hope
Alli
P.S. Bought the best t-shirt today. Will post a picture tomorrow.
Monday, April 2, 2012
OMG!
It's Monday morning and the 2012! OMG Cancer Summit for Young Adults is over. After months of planning more the 500 survivors, caregivers and advocates attended what was the best conference in cancer land.
I think there was a good balance between the social activities and the educational sessions and first time attendees had the opportunity to meet someone who has walked in their shoes. I had the wonderful and somewhat daunting task of kicking off the summit on Saturday morning by sharing my story. It was empowering to stand before people who get it and although I was so nervous my legs was shaking from it went really well.
I also participated in two sessions including one on chronic cancer and the possibility of death. While a very difficult and topic it was well received and important to share that part of my journey.
I met so many new friends that I hope to keep in touch with. I talked about my upcoming trip and handed out hundreds of Allipalooza stickers. I can't tell you how loved I felt when I walked around and saw people wearing the stickers in support.
I hope all the attendees had as good of time as I did.
In a few hours I check out of the hotel and go to pick up the conversion/camper van for a nine day trip across the southwest. I am extremely excited and will try to post every evening. You can also find short updates and pictures on twitter. You do not need a twitter account to follow my adventures. It is www.twitter.com/THEallipalooza or @THEallipalooza.
I think there was a good balance between the social activities and the educational sessions and first time attendees had the opportunity to meet someone who has walked in their shoes. I had the wonderful and somewhat daunting task of kicking off the summit on Saturday morning by sharing my story. It was empowering to stand before people who get it and although I was so nervous my legs was shaking from it went really well.
I also participated in two sessions including one on chronic cancer and the possibility of death. While a very difficult and topic it was well received and important to share that part of my journey.
I met so many new friends that I hope to keep in touch with. I talked about my upcoming trip and handed out hundreds of Allipalooza stickers. I can't tell you how loved I felt when I walked around and saw people wearing the stickers in support.
I hope all the attendees had as good of time as I did.
In a few hours I check out of the hotel and go to pick up the conversion/camper van for a nine day trip across the southwest. I am extremely excited and will try to post every evening. You can also find short updates and pictures on twitter. You do not need a twitter account to follow my adventures. It is www.twitter.com/THEallipalooza or @THEallipalooza.
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